thoughts

you are not "just here," "stuck," "unmoving" just because all of your friends are getting new jobs and new homes and new boyfriends and new pets. you are not standing still just because they seem to be moving. you are also moving. you are moving differently. rest is not the opposite of movement, it is part of the process.

dissociating in the grocery store line behind someone with $400 of food to check out

enjoying my Monday snack (lots of Dr. Pepper)

I did manage to get myself out of bed (feeling the pangs of hunger) after daydreaming someone liked me. I made a bagel and scraped the fantasy away with the application of cream cheese. Cream cheese is worth my full, present attention.

I am grateful to be aware that the hiccups have stopped, even though I don't remember when they did.

woke up in total silence. is it lunchtime? am I at work? did I fall asleep in front of the computer?

opened my eyes to find my phone in my lap, screen up, with my virtual meditation teacher on the floor breathing deeply.

My phone did a complete UI update. I hate it.

turned off the radio to listen to the rain drops against the windshield

today my mom left me in an alley.

it was only for 5 minutes.

I took pictures and imagined myself as a baby abandoned in the alley. after picking up the mail she got back into the car and then we drove across 3 states in 27 minutes.

this is perfect.

today I went grocery shopping and didn't meet the love of my life after a nap and when I got home it started raining.